I think I was always meant to be a Unitarian
Universalist. I know that now. I didn’t know that…then. Then, when I was
younger. Then, when I struggled with belief. Then, when I dealt with the stuff
that has made me who I am today.
This year, I served as a General Assembly delegate
of Pathways UU in Hurst, TX. It is the first time I have served in this
capacity. I was literally asked by a board member if I would serve as one of
two delegates, and I very quickly said “Of course!” We Aries do not muck about.
We tend to be swift in our decision making, even if later it comes back to bite
us on the heel. I did not know what I had gotten myself into.
Because money is tight this year, I was not able to
attend GA in person. Instead, I attended as an “offsite delegate.” It was interesting.
It was thoughtful that the UUA has made this as an option for those who are either
financially incapable of attending or cannot travel due to the health or other
restrictions. It wasn’t the experience I had hoped for, but it certainly allowed
me to be present virtually. For that I am thankful. The experience really
opened my eyes to many things.
As a former priest, I complained A LOT at how I
spent so much time doing administrative stuff. It seemed like I was always
traveling 3 hours (one way) to get to the diocesan offices to attend (often
times boring) meetings. I was on committees where we would spend hours debating
the same stuff that we had debated a year, or two years or even three years
ago. Catholics are funny that way. We would spend hours working on amendments
(not that much ever got amended) at Convention and many times the discussions
would get heated.
So, when it came to my first exposure to GA, I was
rather appreciative of the processes – even when it seemed like folks were
getting mired down in the minutia of it all: even when grammatical errors were
more important to tackle than the intention behind the words.
Processes are important. Assembly is important.
Coming together is important. Exposure to it all is important.
I was proud to be fully engaged, even though I was
confined to my chair in my home office for hours and hours at a time. While
others at GA did this too, I had easy access to a bathroom and my Keurig all
day and could still remain in my jammies if I wished. And when moments got too
serious (and there were times when it did), I deferred to my 3 cats to provide
comic relief and therapy.
Through the voting on amendments, through engaging
in the wording of the Statement of Conscience, through the exchange of
delegates and other kibitzers in the off-site portal, through the sermons,
services and Bryan Stephenson’s Ware Lecture (which will go down, I’m sure, in
UU history), something very interesting happened to me. Something that is
possibly life changing. I began to question several areas of my life as a UU.
Some of you know my story, that I became UU in the
first year of seminary in the Orthodox Catholic Church. Four years after I was
ordained to the priesthood, I resigned from such as I became honest with myself
and the organization that I did not share its beliefs. It was another four
years before I came back fully to the UUA when I discovered the Church of theLarger Fellowship.
So, for the last five years I have really thrown myself
back into my faith as a UU – or so I thought. In the last five years, I have
been part of CLF, First Jefferson UU in Fort Worth and Pathways UU in Hurst (a
suburb of Fort Worth). I have been on worship committees, lay leadership teams,
spirituality groups, served as an instructor before classes, have given a
number of sermons, worked with children, and have even had voice in church
business (without serving on any board). I have felt fulfilled in the last five
years as I have settled back into what I sought out 15 years ago when I first
joined the Unitarian Universalist faith at a small congregation known as the UU Fellowship of Abilene (Texas).
And then GA happened.
There were so many wonderful speakers who talked
about their experiences – both good and bad – in the UUA. So many had talked
about walking away and coming back into the fold. We worked together as a group
on language around dismantling white supremacy – a subject that matters to me
as a white person whose Godmother is a black woman. In the Ware Lecture, UU and lawyer Bryan Stevenson (author of Just Mercy and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative) gave us a
charge to truly live out our principles by being taught mercy through the
broken.
And I wept. Tears streamed down my face. There were
times I wept so hard that I couldn’t pay attention to the monitor in front of
me. I was overcome by all that I had digested mentally and emotionally that by
Saturday evening (around 10 p.m.) I had surrendered myself to great inquiry of
a necessary inventory of my UU self.
“What am I truly doing in my congregation?” “How do
I exemplify myself outside of my church to others as my UU faith calls me to
do?” “How much do I really know about UU?” “What am I doing to learn more about
the UU on the national level?”
And then the big question hit me right between the
eyes.
Over the last year, UU clergy and laity have asked
me WHEN I was going to get serious
about going into ordained ministry in the UUA. In May of this year, I led the
entire service and gave the sermon at Red River UU in Denison, TX near Lake
Texoma. While there, the Rev. Doug Strong, with much sincerity, engaged me with
this inquiry.
The truth is that the idea of going back into full ordained
ministry (in and of itself) scares the hell out of me.
At Pathways UU, where we are lay-led, we depend on
having different speakers each Sunday. Today’s speaker was the well-spoken UUChristian minister Rev. Craig Roshaven. He charged us with the question (as was
the title of his sermon) “Where is your Jerusalem.” He reminded us how Christ
feared Jerusalem but knew that he had to face it and go there, where he met his
end. His end had purpose. Metaphorically, Jesus had to die to his fear and make
an ultimate sacrifice for others to have hope.
My Jerusalem is before me. I fear a lot of things as I wrestle with this idea of going back into ordained ministry.
It is very expensive going to seminary. I have a spouse. There are many things
we may both have to sacrifice to make this a reality. We are much older now and
a little more settled. This would upset that way of living. And are we both on
the same page about this?
I am on a cliff side looking down at my Jerusalem.
The question of how to get there is the biggest before me.
GA brought about necessary discussion in several
areas. The main discussion I participated in was and is the discussion that is
with myself. Where am I going? What am I doing? What are my goals and hopes as
I move forward in this inspiring faith? And what am I going to do about all of
it?
In her candidacy before becoming the newly elected
President of the UUA, The Rev. Susan Frederick Gray said, “To the Presidency, I
bring an abiding love and respect for our faith and tradition and the
unwavering commitment to see it grow and thrive.” I am sure that is not an easy
statement for her to make. I am sure it is not an easy statement for anyone in
church leadership to make. One simply can’t make off the cuff statements like
this without true discernment.
And this is where I – and possibly many others who
came away from GA feeling renewed – stand: in discernment. A place of
discernment is not unsteady but can be uncomfortable. Discomfort is important
because it removes chances for complacency. Complacency keeps us from making
good and honest decisions whatever they may be.
I think I was always meant to be a Unitarian
Universalist. If anything ever offered me salvation it is UUism. While I may
not be a deist, UU allows me to stand at the great buffet table where there is
so much to offer. I am not limited to agnosticism or new age spirituality which
entices me. At the same time, UU also challenges me. It calls me to question my
intentions in this faith and my intentions of involvement. It calls me to
wrestle with who I am and who I hope to become. It calls me to be challenged by
others and live in covenant with so many different expressions of faith and reasoning.
UU makes me want to be better. And that is scary at times.
So as we enter into a new era of the UUA, I hope to
use this as a time to truly focus on my existence within this necessary
organization in my life. I hope that you will also look at what UU means to you
and discern those things that you might feel called to do – whether it be
joining a committee at church, getting vocal in a local political organization,
speaking out for reproductive health, getting active on a national committee,
or even answering the call to ordained ministry.
This is YOUR faith. This is MY faith. What is your
intention in your faith? What is your intention in your involvement? I invite
you to seek that out. I invite you to be so moved by your faith as a UU that you
are brought to a place of discernment and discomfort so that new and exciting
decisions can be made for your future in this inspiring and necessary faith.
Namaste! Shalom! Blessed Be!
